Well summer is in full force around here. Temps have been in the mid 90's for over a week. I am so grateful to have central a/c.
The 4th of july was pretty good. I actually got the chance to sit down and talk and laugh and share memories with my good friend of 30yrs. Now I am only 44 so for me to have a very, very good friend for 30yrs means we met when we were younger. Like we were both 15 and met on the bus headed for good old camp nissokone.
My years as a camper then a staff member at Nissokone cannot be mentioned without bringing a smile or even an outloud chuckle to my face. Working at a summer camp is not for the week. You gotta like kids and you must have an endless supply of energy and zest.
M and I have been through it all, college, marriage, kids, divorce and now in our mid 40's we are living our lives. We have both learned what we both want and need and desire in various relationships in our lives.
M is entering the world of divorce and balance. I however, am on the extended tour, having divorced many moons ago. When she calls or emails with questions, tears and just frustration I can definately understand what she is going through and will continue to go through.
At this time in my life love has once again dissolved for me. Someone who I had been involved with for quite sometime have parted ways. Not necessarily due to him or I falling out of love. On the contrary we are both still in love with each other. But due to family obligations we cannot continue with our relationship. His time is very much divided with taking care of his ailing mom. It's very difficult to be a care giver. I did it with both of my grandparents. I understand his lack of patience at times, I understand his frustrations with the way things are in his life and that of his mother.
This relationship simply fell apart due to lack of time and attention. It takes two to have a relationship. It takes two to WORK at making/having a successful relationship. After years of working, time and endless amounts of love it is just no longer possible for us to continue on as is.
I decided that he needs to concentrate fully on his moms health and his well being. He doesnt' have the time or dedication to attempt a healthy relationship with me. I know that I am a damn good woman, who wants and deserves someone to love me fully and that is going to happen with this person.
At this time, yes we are still friends. Yes at times he will come by and take the kids and I out for ice cream. So he still is around in our lives and that's ok.
So now that this relationship has disssovled what's next for this wonderful woman? Who knows. I am sure love will definately come back when who knows. But for now I am ok. I continue to raise and laugh and love my kids. We are fully involved in summer activities and classes. My kids are preparing for trips and going to pool parties and on trips.
Is my life full enough without love in it? I have love, the love of my kids, the love of myself. Just not the love of a mate at this time. I always say if you are going to love, love fully and openly. Yes, you will get hurt, that comes with love.
But as the saying goes, "...tis better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all." To that I have to say, YES, yes it is better to love and loose than never to have loved at all.
Love, true love is definately worth the work, and time and attention to keep a relationship going.
