Decking the Halls

I LOVE the holidays. I love the music, the decorations and just the overall ambience of the time between November and January. I live in a climate that definately has all 4 seasons and trust me, when the snow starts flying and the temps are dropping seeing pretty holiday lights just perks ones mood up.

Money for gifts, I don't worry about it too much. Sure, I would love to fill my kids stockings to the top and have hordes of gifts under the tree for them. But they are at the age where they are starting to understand that the holidays is more about being very happy with what you already have or help others by giving.

We give all year. We donate clothes, shoes and whatever we can, when we can to various organizations and such.

So as I start putting up lights and becoming more obssessed with HGTV's holiday shows and breaking out the glitter to make my own holiday cards. I look at the past year in reflection. LOTS of changes and ups and downs. I don't believe in making resolutions. To me they are a clear set up for personal failure. Yes, set goals and challenges for yourself but don't make them so unrealistic that you beat yourself up over failing.

Life is rough enough why compound things by making some unrealistic list that can't/won't make or break you one way or the other.

Enjoy what life has for you one day at a time. Love those around you and be thankful for each day.

Love, Life and living

Well it's been awhile since I have blogged here. Don't get me wrong I like this site. I am just not an avid blogger. I am a freelance writer so therefore I tend to like the old fashioned method of pen/paper/journal etc.

Well love has found me and I became engaged June 2009. This person is not someone new in my life, he has been here for awhile. However, if you read my blog from about this time last year about finding love in your 40's, then you know that while I did mention looking I didn't say I was actively dating.

The important thing is, not only does he love me, he loves my kids and my kids adore him. He makes them laugh, but he isn't afraid to correct them if they step out of line. Which is ok. We are all still finding our way around in this new step in our relationship. But I think we will all be just fine.

On another topic, I have been dealt several nasty, wicked hands of fate if you will by my ex-husband. Nope he hasn't/isn't violent. But he has certainly caused his fair share of damage where our children are concerned. Normally I would just let it all go. But on this I can't right now. I am so mad or rather more frustrated than anything. He has hurt the girls more emotionally than I thought anyone could. As a parent kids look up to their parents divorced or not. My girls told their father what they wanted/NEEDED from him and he still sticks his head in the sand.

Well now months have passed. The girls of their own accord have said enough, they have not talked to nor seen their father in months. They know that they can call, or write or see him whenever they like. Their father also knows that if he would just take the initiative and at least call them that's a first step. But no, they get letters. Letters filled with, "I'm sorry", "I can't sleep", etc. The girls didn't make this mess so why try and guilt them into feeling sorry or guilt them into anything.

I had to remove myself overall from trying to maintain the relationship with my ex, the kids and his family overall. I didn't have the energy to keep everyone plugged in nor should I have had to at this stage of the game. I want my children to know their father and his family. Well his family is fine, they call and ask to see the kids all the time. The piece missing in that particular puzzle if my ex getting it together to keep up POSITIVE communication with his children.

I am beyond tired, weary and whatever else in dealing with him and this situation. IT's time to MAN - UP and be a father. But overall just stop the hurt.

I need to get back to that positive way of thinking. I need to stop letting these petty antics bring me down. it's affecting me in very negative ways and I don't like it.

So as we head into the holidays, and the new year. IT's time for a new beginning and that starts with me.